DAY ONE - THE BAY OF BISCAY.

Sunday 4th July  

5:00 a.m.

The gentle rocking of the ship became a mad thrashing about. I tuned my TV to the ships information channel to check the weather report. We were currently experiencing a 45 mph gale, gusting diagonally across the ship from the port bow to the starboard stern. That’s the left of the pointy end to the right of the blunt end, for those not of a nautical bent. Now please don’t get me wrong, I am not one of those predisposed to panic, but I have seen ‘Titanic’ and ‘The Poseidon Adventure’ therefore I am fully aware of what can happen. With the muster drill still fresh in my mind I went off, to sleep in one of the lifeboats, just in case. Seriously though, the pitching about of the ship did make it very difficult to sleep.

5:30 a.m.

The ships clock on the TV said that it was 6:30 a.m. and with the feeling of having had no sleep at all I got up, carried out my ablutions and dressed. I returned to the Waterside restaurant which should have been serving a buffet breakfast. Instead of the hoards of hungry holiday makers I discovered that I was alone. It transpired that the time was only 6 a.m. and the clocks did not officially go forward until we reached the Pillars of Hercules and the Mediterranean sea. I went back to bed.

9:30 a.m.

I resurfaced and broke my fast on melon, pineapple, ham off the bone, mini pan au chocolate and coffee. Feeling replete I set about planning my day. I read the ships newspaper, which is delivered to my cabin every evening and lists the following days activities and events.

10:45 a.m.

THE TAMARIND CLUB

PROF. TREVOR

I went along to the Tamarind Club on deck 7 to hear a lecture about the Spanish Armada, given by Prof. Trevor Haywood (I wonder if he is any relation to Uncle Albert). 

The lecture was very interesting and lasted about an hour. Afterwards, at the back of the room, the Prof. was punting out copies of his new book ‘Flesh and Bone: The lives, deaths and funerals of British monarchs’. 

11:30 a.m.

THE RED ROOM

I consulted by daily itinerary and found that there was a get together for solo travelers in the Red Room, so along I trotted hoping to meet up with, if you’ll excuse the pun, people in the same boat as me. Ha ha. I am Sorry, I couldn’t resist it.

Apart from the five animated crew members, I was the only participant. We had a coffee and a nice, if somewhat awkward, chat. I arranged to meet one of them in the Red Bar for another get together and a drink in the evening before the captains reception. I was assured that there should be more people there.

DOLLY

5:45 p.m.

NICE PUPPIES

Again the solo travelers get together was poorly attended. Only the big breasted Cornish lass (crew), myself and an old girl, Dolly, who had more wrinkles than a shar-pei puppy and looked like she had been around since before God was a boy.

CARY

SIMON

The Captains Gala Reception was a formal event so I had to wear my dinner suit. 

My suit had become somewhat creased in transit (although not as much as Dolly) so I’d had it sent to the laundry, along with my dress shirts, to be pressed. 

SILK KNOTS

My shirts, in due course, came back sans cufflinks, which had been of the black silk knot variety. 

Therefore I had to wear my Ben Sherman ones instead. I wasn’t happy because they don’t go with a dinner suit and stick out like a pair of bull dogs doo-dahs. 

THE DOGS DANGLYS

DEPARTURE DAY

HOME SWEET HOME

7:45 am

I woke up, 15 minutes before my alarm was due to go off, to a beautiful sunny morning. This is a day of many ‘First’s’ for me. The first day of my Mediterranean cruise, the first holiday that I have had on my own for twenty years, the first day that I have attempted to keep a journal and the ‘Furst’ I could feel in the back of my ‘Froat’. He he.

After a light breakfast of eggs, bacon, toast and tea at ‘Le cafe Betty’ next door, I returned home to shower and dress for my journey.

I loaded my luggage, which was packed and ready last night, into the boot of my car and set the sat-nav for Ocean dock Southampton.

THE ROAD IS LONG

10:00 am

I drove from East Dulwich to Crystal Palace, through Croydon to the M25, M3, A33. There were a few hold ups on the M25 and M3 but not enough to spoil my day.

12:50 pm 

I arrived at Ocean Dock, Southampton and caught my first glimpse of the Ventura. It reminded me of an opening scene in a Star Trek film, where you see the Enterprise in the distance and don’t really appreciate it’s immense size of it until you get closer.

STAR DATE 03072010

I was welcomed at the curb-side at Ocean Terminal by a representative of the Port Parking Service. I signed some paperwork and handed over my car keys. They took it away and parked it securely until my return on the 17th.

DEPARTURE LOUNGE OCEAN DOCK

I gave my baggage to a porter who delivered it to my cabin and I continued to the terminal to check in. I was given a coloured card with a capital letter printed on it and told to take a seat in the waiting area. It was very similar to an airport departure lounge. When my letter was announced I advanced towards the registration desk where upon receipt of my ticket and credit card details, I was was issued with my cruise card.

The cruise card is used for all transactions on board and added to ones on board account.

THE ATRIUM

After registration I passed through a security metal detector and my hand luggage was x- rayed. Then it was a short climb up the gang blank and into the belly of the Ventura. Wow! The atrium was spectacular. It extended up through three decks and was wonder in glass, chrome and neon.

MY CABIN

MY BUNK

1:30 p.m.
I arrived at my cabin, c427 on deck 10. The Ventura has 19 decks! Praise be to the blessed god of Engineering for the fast, modern elevators.

WOMEN & CHILDREN FIRST? MY ARSE!!

                                                                                                             
4:00 p.m.

There was an announcement made through the tannoy system that all passengers were to proceed to their nearest muster station for a life boat drill. As far as I could see, the purpose of the drill was to introduce, without exception, every passenger on the ship to every other passenger and see how many of them could be crammed inside one of the ships many restaurants. Then we were shown where to throw ourselves overboard in case of emergency.

5:00 p.m.

COLD BUFFET

Another first. I telephoned the onboard spa and booked an appointment for this evening for a Man-e-cure (Now lets get this straight it wasn't girly at all) and a pedicure. As my appointment wasn't until 7:00 p.m. I wasn’t able to attend my first dinner at the table for ten in the Saffron restaurant, because even if they could serve it up quickly enough, I didn’t think that I could manage five courses in 45 mins. Therefore I ate at the Waterside restaurant, which is the 24hr buffet on deck 15. Prawn cocktail, whitebait, smoked salmon and asparagus, with an ice cold glass of Chablis, very nice!