DAY FOUR - HOLA! BARCELONA.

Wednesday 7th July 2010

6:30 a.m.

After the usual three S’s and breky I made my way down to deck 6 so that I could be one of the first off the ship and onto the coach.

8.45 a.m.

We set off in the coach, half an hour later than planned because one of the old chaps had been waiting in the wrong queue, and had a guided tour of the town centre. 

We drove past the statue of Christopher Columbus and the Casa Batllo, a stunning piece of Gaudi architecture. 

I had to take photographs from the coach as we were hurried past and they didn't come out so good, so I borrowed these from tinternet.

The Sagrada Familia - Holy Family.

           




10:00 a.m.

when we finally arrived at the Sagrada Familia, the Gaudi cathedral which has been 80 years in the making and is still not finished, it was swarming with tourists. Our Dutch tour guide, Christina, explained that she would take a party of the more able-bodied among us, for a quick walk around the site and that the coach driver would take the coach and the disabled people to the opposite side of the cathedral and meet us. 

After the halfwitted antics of this morning I was not surprised to find, upon our return to the coach, that one of the punters was missing. 

I don’t know if it was because he was Welsh, senile, stupid or a combination of the lot, but, he had asked the driver if it would be ok for him to get off the coach and take some pictures. 

Thinking that the old boy was going to join the rest of the away team walking around the cathedral, the coach driver left him there and drove off to the RVP. Ha Ha Ha. 

Well, Mrs Git was in hysterics, crying and carrying on. Christina and Prof. Trevor (who was working his passage and helping out) set off to try and find him, dragging his old lady with them so that she could ID him, because they could not remember what he looked like. We ALL remembered what he looked like when they got him back to the coach, BURNT TO BUGGERY. The silly old sausage had been standing out in the sun, where the coach had left him, for over an hour, waiting for someone to come and get him. Bless him.

Christina was well paranoid about pickpockets. She kept pointing them out in the crowd and saying in a loud voice “He’s a pickpocket and She’s a beggar who distracts you so that He can rob you” and stuff like that that would get you stabbed down Peckham or Camberwell. She’s either very brave or very stupid, I thought. 

She told us that she had been robbed ten times, so I think that she was probably very stupid. She was just shitting everybody up. 

It wasn’t even as bad as Oxford Street. Pooftas!! 

11:30 p.m.

We drove up to  Montjuic, overlooking the city and had just about enough time to take some photo’s, have a jimmy in a portacabin, buy some coffee, water and key rings from a touristy place before getting back on the coach. 

It was all a bit rushed really. If I ever go back to Barcelona I don’t think I’ll bother with the guided tour. I’ll just have a look around by myself.

DAY THREE - IN TO THE MED'.

Tuesday 6th July  

7:30 a.m.

Got up and after the three S’s had breakfast.  

10:00 a.m.

The Tamarind Club

Went to the Tamarind Club to listen to `Prof. Trev’s lecture on Christopher Columbus. 
The talk went on till after 11am, so I decided to have a drink and an early lunch before going to the watch a George Clooney rom-com called "Up In The Air".

2:30 p.m.

My Cabin

Went back to my cabin and necked some beers as everywhere was so crowded. A real Butlins upon sea. 


The sun was very hot again today, over 80F. 
Overcome by heat and intoxication I decided to have a little nap. 

6:30 p.m. 

Formal night again tonight so after a shower I donned the tuxedo again. 


Freddie, my valet, had had a word with the lads in the laundry and got my silk knot cufflinks back. Good on the man. 

Arena Theatre

After dinner at the big table I went to see a very mediocre comedian in the Arena theatre. 


After a few more beers on the balcony I hit the sack at about 10:30pm. 


We arrive in Barcelona tomorrow at 9am and my excursion is at 9:15am, so I have to get up and get ready early.

DAY TWO - THE PILLARS OF HERCULES.

Monday 5th July  

7:30 a.m.

Got up, showered and dressed. Had some breakfast and then went to the history lecture. It was all about Sir Francis Drake today. 

11:30 a.m.

Went down to the Tamarind Club on deck 7 for a wine tasting talk. 

For a paltry £5 fee I was treated to a most agreeable discourse on the varying types of wine grapes, wine production and the different varieties of wines etc; but the best part was the four glasses of wine to taste. 

There were two whites, a young red and a mature red. 

We were instructed how to appreciate and understand the wine, by looking at the depth of colour, smelling the bouquet, observing how the tears ran down the inside of the glass. 

Finally we were shown how to sip the wine, moving it across the tongue and chewing it. 
Bread, cheese and water were served after each wine was tasted, to cleanse the palate.
12:30 p.m.

After a light lunch of crab, prawns and salad I returned to my cabin to sunbathe on the balcony. 

I must say that it was almost worth paying the 80% extra for the single supplement and balcony room, just to get away from the crowds and get a bit of peace and quiet. 

The weather was exceedingly hot today. One can really feel the difference, approaching the Med, compared to what it was like in the English Channel and Bay of Biscay. 

I bedaubed myself in factor 15 Hawaiian Tropic suntan lotion from head to foot, then reclined outside in the sun for as long as I could bear it. I feel awfully drained when I become too hot, so thanks to the blessed Goddess of air-conditioning for cooling down my cabin. It was utter bliss coming in out of the heat.


4:00 p.m.

I needed a siesta after all the hard work sunbathing today and intended to sleep only for an hour or so. I must have been more worn out than I had thought because I didn’t stir until 7:30 p.m.

7:30 p.m.

I was feeling a little chastened that I had missed another dinner on the big table with the people that I had met yesterday. I do hope that they didn’t think me discourteous.

As luck would have it, it was Thai night in the Waterside buffet so I ate there instead.

8:30 p.m.

I had intended to go and have some cocktails in the Metropolis bar but when I got there, there was a magic act on and the place was full to the gunwales and there wasn’t a spare seat in the place, so I went back down to the Ramblas bar where I met Lynne and Laudon, the nice Scottish couple that sat next to me on the big table. I had a couple of JD and cokes then went to bed at 12:30 a.m.

DAY ONE - THE BAY OF BISCAY.

Sunday 4th July  

5:00 a.m.

The gentle rocking of the ship became a mad thrashing about. I tuned my TV to the ships information channel to check the weather report. We were currently experiencing a 45 mph gale, gusting diagonally across the ship from the port bow to the starboard stern. That’s the left of the pointy end to the right of the blunt end, for those not of a nautical bent. Now please don’t get me wrong, I am not one of those predisposed to panic, but I have seen ‘Titanic’ and ‘The Poseidon Adventure’ therefore I am fully aware of what can happen. With the muster drill still fresh in my mind I went off, to sleep in one of the lifeboats, just in case. Seriously though, the pitching about of the ship did make it very difficult to sleep.

5:30 a.m.

The ships clock on the TV said that it was 6:30 a.m. and with the feeling of having had no sleep at all I got up, carried out my ablutions and dressed. I returned to the Waterside restaurant which should have been serving a buffet breakfast. Instead of the hoards of hungry holiday makers I discovered that I was alone. It transpired that the time was only 6 a.m. and the clocks did not officially go forward until we reached the Pillars of Hercules and the Mediterranean sea. I went back to bed.

9:30 a.m.

I resurfaced and broke my fast on melon, pineapple, ham off the bone, mini pan au chocolate and coffee. Feeling replete I set about planning my day. I read the ships newspaper, which is delivered to my cabin every evening and lists the following days activities and events.

10:45 a.m.

THE TAMARIND CLUB

PROF. TREVOR

I went along to the Tamarind Club on deck 7 to hear a lecture about the Spanish Armada, given by Prof. Trevor Haywood (I wonder if he is any relation to Uncle Albert). 

The lecture was very interesting and lasted about an hour. Afterwards, at the back of the room, the Prof. was punting out copies of his new book ‘Flesh and Bone: The lives, deaths and funerals of British monarchs’. 

11:30 a.m.

THE RED ROOM

I consulted by daily itinerary and found that there was a get together for solo travelers in the Red Room, so along I trotted hoping to meet up with, if you’ll excuse the pun, people in the same boat as me. Ha ha. I am Sorry, I couldn’t resist it.

Apart from the five animated crew members, I was the only participant. We had a coffee and a nice, if somewhat awkward, chat. I arranged to meet one of them in the Red Bar for another get together and a drink in the evening before the captains reception. I was assured that there should be more people there.

DOLLY

5:45 p.m.

NICE PUPPIES

Again the solo travelers get together was poorly attended. Only the big breasted Cornish lass (crew), myself and an old girl, Dolly, who had more wrinkles than a shar-pei puppy and looked like she had been around since before God was a boy.

CARY

SIMON

The Captains Gala Reception was a formal event so I had to wear my dinner suit. 

My suit had become somewhat creased in transit (although not as much as Dolly) so I’d had it sent to the laundry, along with my dress shirts, to be pressed. 

SILK KNOTS

My shirts, in due course, came back sans cufflinks, which had been of the black silk knot variety. 

Therefore I had to wear my Ben Sherman ones instead. I wasn’t happy because they don’t go with a dinner suit and stick out like a pair of bull dogs doo-dahs. 

THE DOGS DANGLYS